Golf Cart Physics

It’s been a long winter here in Abaco but Summer time is finally here.  This is both a good thing and a bad thing for me.  Summer time  heralds the advent of the practical demonstrations of Newtonian physics as they apply to golf carts and blood alcohol content.  Summer time is also the starting gun for my friend Willis and my annual “under the influence Sea of Abaco swim race”.  Summer time means fishing tournaments and diving.  Summer is mostly good.

Lets start with the physics of golf cart injuries.  A body in motion has the tendency to remain in motion unless an outside force acts upon it.  When I say “body” I mean a body…not an apple or a coconut or some eighth grade laboratory experiment used to asses gravitational attraction.  For instance, a well meaning boyfriend and his fiance head to Pineapples, he takes the turn at the Wrecking Tree a bit too fast.   The mass of her body (F=MxA) has a tendency to continue on its straight path as the golf cart careens to the left.  The outside force acting upon it would be rum punch and the road.  She didn’t tuck and roll well.  She was (still is ) a very nice lady but now has a broken jaw and I anticipate will need two new breast implants…which may have been the only thing that saved her life.   Then there is the theory of inertia.  When you are standing on the back of an immobile golf cart and your buddies floor it, the theory of inertia dictates that you don’t automatically “go” with the golf cart.  He had to be flown out with a head injury.  God does protect drunks and little children.  He flew back to Abaco the next day and never missed a beat…well maybe he lost a day of memory.

I am not being condescending nor critical of having fun and/or alcohol.  I now have every other weekend off from call, so I also get stupid at times.   This brings me to my annual “under the influence” race with Willis.  This competition is usually held mid summer during the power boat races.  As are the power boats, Willis and I are also fueled by high octane. This year’s race was a bit more impromptu.  We coincidentally met at Pineapples on one of my weekends off.  The most important element of competition is timing.  Willis is about 6’2″ and carries around 5% body fat.  Therefore I must take advantage of all environmental conditions that would favor my winning.   Years as an ER physician enable me to fairly accurately guess someone’s alcohol content.  Tonight, right now was the most favorable time for me to win when our BAC’s (blood alcohol content) were at similar levels.  The only problem was that Willis was in his bathing suit and a T shirt while I was dressed in jeans.  Willis also had a legitimate concern.  It was night time and the race course involved swimming out to the channel marker and back to the Pineapple’s dock.  Willis reminded me that a tiger shark or two tended to cruise the area at night looking for crawfish heads.  This is a spot where fisherman would ring their fish (break off the heads) before coming into the town dock.   We of course are bullet proof and I reminded Willis this would not be a problem for me if I was faster than Willis.  Underwear unfortunately is not designed for diving and sprinting.  Despite my drawers being around my knees, I managed to touch first.

So the Summer is off to a good start.  The diving and spearfishing are picking up.  By the end of August the tourists and majority of golf cart antics will be but a memory …until November.